Saturday, November 29, 2008

Getting your Spouse to go to Church with You

Thank you to everyone that has visited the site today & offered advice. I have decided to leave the questions anonymous to protect everyone's privacy. I hope this is okay with all of you. Tonight's question was the first one to be sent it. Here it is:

What do you do when you have a husband who refuses to attend church? My husband is a Christian, and is a good, God loving man, but he doesn't believe in the conformity of church, and believes that they are all just money making businesses. I have tried to attend without him, but we have 5 boys, one of which is disabled, and it is just too hard for me to do alone and after a few weeks of trying to go, I give up. I have tried leaving my disabled son and baby home with him, but then I get the "Daddy isn't going, so we don't have to go either" fight from my older two. I just don't know what to do.

Any advise on what to do?



Pennie said...

I responded earlier to your post, but for some reason it didn't post, so I guess satan had his own agenda with that. We won't be defeated though, will we?

My suggestion for you is to continue to attend church, even if you have to go alone. This gives your family the option of (one day) going with you. Whereas, if you stop going too, the boys won't have an opportunity to go if they wanted to. So let them see your strength as you faithfully serve God, and you will continue to grow through the music, message, christian friends, etc.

God word says, "forsake not the assembling of yourselves together."
He knows the challenges we face as we go about doing His will.

I will pray specifically for you, and also your sons and husband that God will soften their hearts and that the Holy Spirit will draw them closer to God.

Lots of hugs!

Diane said...

You really do need to find the time to connect with your Church family. I agree with Pennie that you need to go each Sunday just to give your boys the opportunity to go with you and you can ask your Church family to help get the boys to Sunday School Class. I would encourage you to be involved with a small study group also either Sunday School or a Bible Study. You may be surprised to find there might be someone in the same situation as you.
As for your husband feeling that the Church is a money make in the Bible it commands us to tithe 10% of our earrnings. God Blesses us with jobs and it is up to us to thank Him andfor us to give back to His Kingdom. God also tells us we need to fellowship with other Christians, so I will pray that your Christian husband will become willing to help teach others the Lord's word by fellowshiping with them and teaching his sons the Lords word also.
May God's Blessings be with you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I know that it is hard to deal with the "Daddy isn't going fight", but don't give the kids an option. Eventually they will start to meet friends and have fun and they will want to go and encourage their dad to go too. Also, you could maybe see if your husband has a different church in mind that he wouldn't mind trying out. Sometimes it is just not a fit and a different congregation and pastor could help? Just a thought!

my3sons said...

My husband doesn't go either. I take my older two boys with me. I have a baby that stays with daddy. Our church is fairly long so he won't last through it. The boys go to Sunday School while I am in church. It works out well for us. I don't feel that I can force my hubby to go; so I just take the kids. Maybe the mom coud take a few kids each week so it isn't too hard for her. Then they all would get to go at least every other week. My kids say the same thing about daddy not going; but they don't really have the choice.

Alli said...

My suggestion:
Compromise. The most important thing in a marriage is to respect one another's feelings and beliefs.

The husband who thinks it's a money-maker is half right. If Jesus walked around today, I think he'd say some of us missed the mark. Why spend so much money to erect a mega-church when community members are hungry, sick and poor as dirt? Jesus spent his time serving the community. I'll say it again - serving the community.

Maybe this couple can compromise in the following manner: Let your husband know it's important to you to be together in a place of worship. ANd let your husband know you respect his feeling that church isn't all it should be. Really, if we caught a glimpse of Joel Osteen's taxes, we would probably be sickened by the percentage of his charitable contributions as compared to his annual adjusted gross income.

Tell your husband you want to serve God and your community in a manner that he sees fit just as much as you want him to participate with you. Take turns. One week, bring the whole fam to church. The next week, spend a day or an afternoon of the weekend doing something that gives back - work at a soup kitchen, go to a care facility for the elderly and sing songs or play games with them, assemble your fellow community members to ship packages to soldiers or the needy, do something with Habitat for Humanity, ANYTHING. Perhaps this family who has a disabled child would like to reach out to disabled, yet poor and disadvantaged children and community members. Jesus would applaud any of this and think that this is an ok alternative to church.

If we took all the people who went to church for an hour a week and put them to work for that time giving back to the community in a truly Christian manner, our world would look like a much different place. We wouldn't need to honor heroes on CNN because everyone would be a hero.

I respect the need to assemble in a place of worship. It's important. It's just not the MOST important mark of a true Christian.

Anonymous said...

I am fairly sure that you understand some of the things that makes your husband push the idea of attending church away, but if you don't truly know I would say start by asking him. My husband would stay home if I was okay with it, but I love Jesus and believe in tithing and learning and community. I have learned that he believes too and is more of a quiet Christian - take it all in, pray, etc. It is really interesting how each person expresses his/her beliefs differently. I love an evangelical church with a band where my husband prefers a Catholic mass. Maybe he is uncomfortable with the church you attend (just a thought). My husband and I each talked about what parts of church are important to us - we listened to one another and then on our own chose three churches to visit. Tell your husband that he is a wonderful guy who loves God and that you admire that (just as you said in your blog). Tell him you would like him to lead your family in a Christian walk. I would even recommend getting a Sunday morning sitter and searching for churches for your family just the two of you. Last, but never least...Pray. What a gift that God gave us to communicate with Him. Pray daily for your husband to join in the body of Christ. Prayer works. I will be praying for you! Best wishes!

~ j

Donita said...

My husband did not give his life to Jesus, until three years ago (we have been married for 33 years). He now tells me to pray for our son (who he ALLOWED to stay home with him on sundays, when son was growing up), that God will show him the TRUTH. That is what brought my husband back CLOSE to the Lord and in to church, THE TRUTH THAT ONLY GOD CAN BRING. As for you and church, try to go, our kids learn from our example. When my daughter turned 14 (the age my son was when him and his father badgered me into letting him quit church) she started saying she did not want to go, dad didn't go, brother didn't go. I MADE HER GO, if she did not go, then other priviledges were taken. It is our responsibility to make them go, they are not going to on their own. It is their sinful nature to rebel against it. My reason for saying this, our son is not serving God today, our daughter married a christian man, is active in their church (wears many hats there) and raises her two small children to love Jesus. You are in my prayers. Be strong in JESUS NAME!!!