Friday, November 28, 2008

Dealing with the Anger of a Spouse

Tonight I purchased a book that brought a question to mind. It explained that this woman named Jenny was married to an angry man. Everyone in the house was so afraid of his temper that they would walk on eggshells. Jenny eventually realized that she didn't have to tolerate his anger & she also realized that going along with it was disobedient to God.

I understand that divorce is not an option for a Christian couple & there is a saying that you can't change a person. So my question is, what was this woman to do to protect her walk with Christ?


Diane said...

The only thing any of us can do is to PRAY when in this situation. God is the only one that has the POWER to change that person. My son has just lost his job in the racing world and has a mother my heart is breaking for him and his family. His wife is scared as there are not many jobs out there, he is sacred not knowing how to now support his family and I know they need to turn to God togehter. I can not support them but I can PRAY for them and lift the to the one perosn that can guide and lead them and that is my LORD AND FATHER JESUS CHRIST. So I am asking any of you that have questions to bring them to Ammie. My question today is will you to PRAY for my son and his family that he finds work as I will PRAY for this anger in many spouse's out there. GOD blessed us with able to being able to talk with him and trust in him it is up to us to do just that.

Pennie said...

Wow, what a question to start off with! It will be interesting to see how God speaks to many of us through the answers to this.

First, let me say that I have been a born-again child of God since the age of six yrs. Although, many times through the years, rather than trusting God to meet ALL my needs, I tried to "help" Him along the way. How foolish of me!! Needless to say, I ended up in a similar situation as the girl in the book, Jenny. I am currently still in this almost miserable situation. I must admit, that all my years of being a christian, I didn't have the knowledge of that you mentioned that it is actually disobedient to God.

I do know that God wants us, as His children, to be prosperous and happy, and most of all to bring glory and honor to His name in all we do. But, I must tell you that I spoke to a christian family counselor many years ago, who told me these words that will stay with me for a lifetime. He said, "God is more concerned with your holiness than with your happiness." Those words are very powerful to me and let me know that God doesn't want us to be frivolous in our decisions and actions, rather pray without ceasing and seek Him and He will meet all of our needs.

I could not have survived the hell I have experienced and my children also, without God giving me strength to endure. My hope and prayer is that someone will find strength to follow God and let Him direct our steps. If we do this we will not go wrong. Just trust Him to be your all in all!!

Thank you for the opportunity to share with others on this blog. I truly feel that God is moving and working through this, and just through this blog, I see God at work.

Please pray for my children and me that they will come back to God, and not follow in the footsteps of their father. Also, that God will open doors for me to leave this bad situation. I will continue to wait on the Lord.

Thanks, and Diane, I will also be in prayer for your family. God is our hope.

Alli said...

You go get some marriage counseling. If you can't afford to see someone with a PhD, then many churches have qualified people who may see you on an individual basis or in group session. Counseling gives you an unbiased mediator. While praying is good to give you the strength to be honest and understand one another, it won't completely solve your problems without outside help. A couple in this situation needs to address this in both a spiritual and practical manner.

my3sons said...

I agree Alli. I don't think God wants anyone to stay in an unsafe home. We need to protect our children regardless!

Diane said...

I too agree no one should live in unsafe conditions. Pennie, please know I will be praying for you and your children and your husband. Also I'd like to encourage you to get involved in a strong Church to have the (Church) family support you need. Also get involved in small groups such as a Sunday School class or a Bible Study to help build lasting safe relationships. I feel God wants us to be Holy but He also wants us to be happy to cheerfully spread His word. God Bless

Pennie said...

I should clarify that the abuse I spoke about wasn't physical, rather verbal, emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial. My girls, ages 11 yrs. and 8 yrs., have taken on the traits of their father in many ways, including being verbally abusive and disrespectful to me, as well as physically abusive to me and each other. This is leading them quickly down a road of destruction and straight to hell. My heart breaks for them! I know I have a better place to spend eternity, so I can endure, but for my children I want better.

I have been a memmber of my wonderful church for a lifetime, but at this point in my life, as orchestrated by my husband, I currently work 7 days a week, and have for a year. That precludes any church services for me to attend, but I do watch my favs on TV on Sundays while at work. (Thankfully, I can) I have many people praying for my situation, but must say that I am still waiting on God to open some doors. My children are so into their father that they will probably choose to stay with him, especially the older one. It's more exciting I know, but sin is for a season, and then you reap what you sow.

We have been to counseling, but unfortunately, that didn't help. (a few different ones) So, I am currently looking for a better job so that I can provide a stable home for my children and myself, and rid our lives of the garbage.

My spouse doesn't just have anger issues, but insecurity, and other issues, which contribute greatly to who he is.

I keep my faith in God and know that one day soon, He will return in His glory to rapture His church, and deliver his children.

Thanks for the support ladies, but most of all your prayers. Don't mean to take up all the space here. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers as we go about to do His will. Thanks!!!!

Alli said...

BTW, Aimee - so glad your little girl is thriving! Keep up the good work.

As for the above posts, I agree wholeheartedly. If ANY abuse is in the equation, anyone of any faith would agree that is not what God wants.

Some states recognize what is known as a "Covenant" marriage, which a couple may elect as an alternative to a typical marriage certificate. The Covenant marriage has much higher standards to meet to successfully petition for divorce (you can't just say there are irreconcileable differences) because it is supposed to be an elected contract with God.

My point here is - even with a Covenant marriage, a divorce is readily obtainable in the event of abuses of many kinds.

Hang in there, Pennie. your kids are very young. I don't know if this comes as a consolation to you, but children's brains do not develop to fully and readily grasp the understanding of right and wrong until the very late teen years. You should understand that there is some chemistry at work here. Your kids are not exposed to spiritual danger.

They are just children. Love them unconditionally and that's the best you can do. Remind them that the difficulties you and your husband experience are not their fault. Tell them you want what is best for them. Remind them that you respect them. They'll come around. Just give them a few years:)

Best of luck with your economic situation. You are not alone as this is a rough time in the country. Have faith and be strong!

cincymomof4 said...

imee, let me first say that this is an awesome idea -- I love being a part of this online Bible study. I really need something like this in my life.

This is a tough scenario although many women experience it. It would be very difficult to spiritually grow as a Christian with a spouse like that who would constantly bring you down.

I hope to never experience a divorce, but I honestly don't think God would want a person to stay with an abusive spouse.
God is very concerned with our holiness as someone else posted. Staying married to someone who will continually chip away at one's Christianity and spiritually is detrimental to one's growth with God. The relationship one has with God should come first. God is so merciful and forgiving and I think He would forgive a divorce in a situation like "Jenny's".

My husband is Catholic and sometimes I feel like my faith is tested and held back because he won't go to church with me or join in discussions about God. He is so formal about religion and I enjoy talking about Christian experiences and am more open about it.
But I pray about things and God is always listening. ALWAYS. He will never fail us.

I will say a special prayer tonight (when I pray for Kayleigh) for those who are in this marital situation.

God Bless!
Karen (cincymomof4)

Anonymous said...

This is mostly to Pennie, but others may also benefit...I am a child of a father with anger issues and I turned out okay. My father refused to go to church and had serious anger issues. I am VERY much like my father, but My mother was the sole reason I am the Christian Woman that I am. Pennie, when you get a new job and can attend church regularly, don't give your children an option. They go to church with you no matter what! That is what my mom did and there were many Sundays my sister and I would have preferred to stay at home, but that was never an option. We pouted and yelled and did all the things girls do when they aren't getting their way, but she never gave in. I am not saying it will be easy, it probably wont be, but if you stand your ground, no matter how much they don't want to be there, GOD is still working in them!! Also PRAYER will help a lot, once my Sister and I started to enjoy church and become involved we too learned to pray for my father and through our prayer things started to get better at home. Plus, the activities we were involved in got our dad to church and now I am almost 30 and my Father has been saved and a faithful member of a church for years now! Hang in there and know we are praying for all of you in this situation. I am living proof that the outcome can be good!